


If I ask You to Stay (Will You Listen?)

by xaugust_solasta



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Bottom Huening Kai, Canon Compliant, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Possesive Choi Soobin, Top Choi Soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaugust_solasta/pseuds/xaugust_solasta
Summary: "Never grow up, Kai. I want us to always be like this."When Kai replied, there was wisdom in his eyes that Soobin had never seen before. Either the sparkle in his eyes had always been there and Soobin hadn't noticed it until now, or it was something new that had emerged."I'm going to grow up no matter what. But I know you'll still love me."(Soobin knew it was inappropriate and kind of sick to feel this way, but he's not ready to lose Kai.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 4
Kudos: 123





	If I ask You to Stay (Will You Listen?)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me for this I'm just in the mood writing some angst lol. And yeah just want to remind you that English is not my first language so forgive me if there's any mistakes, enjoy!

"My beautiful boy," Soobin uttered softly with adoration as his hand slowly caressed the length of Kai’s back while the two lay on their sides upon the narrow bed in their shared hotel room.

Kai’s skin seemed to glow with an inhumanly bluish tone as the moonlight filtered through the curtains and shone upon him. Soobin committed this portrait to memory and likened it to one of those nude paintings of young men of the immortal Fae Folk he'd studied in fine art class at university. In this light, Kai was a magical creature that would never be touched by the ravages of time, perfectly preserved in all his youthful beauty. All he needed to do was adorn his unlined brow with a crown of ivy, and Kai would be his faerie lover forever. A breeze blew through the open window and pushed the curtain to the side, letting the full light of the bright moon shine through. And the fantasy disappeared.

In this light, Soobin could see what few flaws Kai had, none of which were unattractive. There was a long scar on Kai’s shoulder blade that had marred his skin since he fell off his bicycle at the age of thirteen. Whenever Soobin saw the scar over the years, like when they'd go swimming in the summer, it gave him a tremendous sense of guilt, for he had caused that accident. Soobin had been fifteen, and was already impressed with young Kai’s skills. So Kai, always wanting to please the older boy whom he idolized, performed a showy maneuver that inadvertently landed him in a tangle of thorn bushes, only to emerge with a damaged ego and a gash across his back. The scar had changed over time, fading and stretching as Kai grew, until it was barely noticeable.

But Soobin had always noticed it and always would, even though it faded with age to a faint, pale line. It had become his mark on Kai. He gently traced a finger over the scar and could still felt a phantom pang of guilt. More than that, it also gave him a sense of peace – Soobin would always be a part of Kai’s childhood memories, would always share a common history with him. They were brothers that shared everything but blood.

Soobin wondered if Kai would always hold these memories and fondly and treasure them as jewels, or if he'd look back upon everything that Soobin had done to him and find indelible scars. Would the way Soobin touched his life, touched his body, always be a welcome influence, or would it become irreparable damage?

Soobin felt a cold ache in his heart as his fingers stroked along the delicate curve of Kai’s spine. He often felt this when he admired Kai’s nude form – it was the sort of ache one felt when they longed for something they could not have, or rather, something they _should_ not have.

Touching Kai was like handling a present before Christmas, wrapped in gorgeous paper, hiding the promise of something wonderful inside. One knows it belongs to them, but must wait to truly own it. But to touch, kiss, caress, and love Kai was a hundred times more agonizing. Soobin knew that he couldn't have Kai completely, at least not now.

Maybe he'd _never_ have him.

"Not forever," Kai mumbled sleepily.

"Which part is not forever? Your beauty? Or the fact that you're mine?" Soobin asked as his lips brushed over Kai’s shoulder close to that old scar, though he knew exactly what Kai meant.

Kai chuckled softly. "I won't be a boy forever."

"Oh?" Soobin raised an eyebrow and teased, "Do you fancy getting a sex change? This is news to me." He chuckled and nipped the gentle ripple of muscle between Kai’s shoulders.

"Shut up; you know what I mean. I'm almost nineteen," whined Kai.

Soobin pointed out with a defeated sigh, "It still won't look right to people."

"In a few years, when I'm older, people won't even care." Kai turned and hooked an arm behind Soobin's back to pull him down for a firm kiss. Soobin knew Kai was likely trying to get him to stop talking about their age difference.

But Soobin needed answers, or more likely, reassurance. "Will you still love me when you're all grown up?" There was a little sarcasm to his voice, hiding his painful insecurities.

Kai giggled softly. "I will always love you. And I'm already grown up."

The ache in Soobin's heart grew sharp. Kai’s last brazenly youthful statement proved he still had some maturing to do.

Soobin worried almost every day about Kai growing up. If Kai were anything like him, he'd change a lot in two years. He worried whether or not Kai would outgrow him. He worried that Kai would want to explore other people when he was older – he was perfectly entitled to that. Soobin had dated and messed around with many people in those two years, as most people do, especially away at university. Soobin didn't want to take that experience away from Kai.

But really, Soobin wanted Kai all to himself. It wasn't a selfish desire, but a deep feeling in his soul that they belonged together.

As Kai fell asleep in Soobin's arms, Soobin watched for nearly a half hour before sleep threatened to overtake him. The ache in his heart was becoming excruciating. He knew it would probably all end too soon. And all he'd have were memories – portraits of his beautiful boy ingrained into his mind and his heart forever.

On the night of Kai’s nineteen birthday, they made love for the first time. It was as beautiful, unhurried, and perfect. They giggled like giddy children and blushed virginal shades of pink as they explored new territories of one another's bodies. They moaned like animals as they discovered novel sensations and perfected how to elicit them. They sighed and wept with pain and love and rapturous emotion, whispering each other's names like adulation to the gods.

As Soobin rocked slowly against his young lover, nestled deep inside him, their limbs entwined, he became starkly aware of two things.

First, Soobin now knew, without a doubt, he wanted to be with Kai and only Kai forever – quite an Earth-shaking realization for a young man of twenty years. Being inside Kai, delving deeper into him than any scar, allowed Soobin to realize that Kai was absolutely the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He wanted Kai to be a part of him as much as he was a part of Kai.

Second, being so intimately close to Kai, Soobin recognized that he really was still just a boy. When their hips connected like precisely cut puzzle pieces, Soobin noticed there was a softness to Kai’s frame. Soobin appreciated a remarkable delicateness to his curves, a sharpness about his bone structure, when he mapped the outline of Kai’s body with his searching hands. And when his greedy mouth savored every delicious bit of skin Kai had so graciously offered, Soobin felt a suppleness to his flesh that embodied youth and whispered a latent masculinity that still hadn't emerged.

Soobin felt a dull pang of guilt that he was somehow stealing something from Kai a little too soon. It further demonstrated how Kai still had some physical and personal growing to do. It was another reminder that Kai could easily outgrow Soobin. Just as Kai’s body would develop and change, so would the rest of Kai change, and probably not in favor of his relationship with Soobin.

After they had both finished, and spectacularly so, Soobin remained inside his beautiful boy, panting, and gasping softly, as silent tears rolled down his flushed cheeks. He whimpered softly as he held Kai a little too tightly, "I don't want you to grow up, Kai."

He knew it was inappropriate and kind of sick to feel this way. Wanting Kai to remain like this, to stunt his growth, to cease his development, was not fair. But he felt it so strongly that it forced tears from his eyes and it tumbled from his parted lips despite himself.

He mumbled it again, holding Kai’s face in his hands. "Never grow up, Kai. I want us to always be like this."

When Kai replied, there was wisdom in his eyes that Soobin had never seen before. Either the sparkle in his eyes had always been there and Soobin hadn't noticed it until now, or it was something new that had emerged. "I'm going to grow up no matter what. But I know you'll still love me."

There was something so reassuring and endearing about Kai’s cockiness.

"How do you know?" asked Soobin, sincerely asking rather than challenging Kai’s confidence.

Kai brushed a rivulet of tears from Soobin's cheek with his thumb and answered, "Because we're growing up together. We're shaping each other's personalities. Yeah, we'll change. But we will change for the better. For each other."

Soobin smiled brightly through his tears, still flowing in earnest, but now with an immense joy. "My gods, Kai. Is it possible that I love you even more than ever?" With that he kissed his lover before he could answer.

Soobin had been so worried about Kai changing that he failed to recognize that, at a mere twenty-one-years-old, he also still had a lot of growing to do.

"When I grow up, do you know what I'm going to do?" asked Soobin.

"You're going to be a doctor, or something as great," Kai declared proudly.

"Yeah, maybe. But I also know that when I grow up, I'm going to marry you, Kai Kamal Huening."

Kai joked, "In that case, I'm growing up tomorrow. You'd better catch up fast, Choi Soobin."


End file.
